


Wow! Incredible!

by superfecta



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Enjoy!, Gen, Harry Hart is a Little Shit, eggsy and roxy are basically siblings, first time writing for this fandom, procrastination, super smash bros, this was written on the way home from thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superfecta/pseuds/superfecta
Summary: “Gives you what back?” Merlin said, dreading the answer.“Kirby,” Eggsy said, slightly muffled from the floor. “Pink. Round. Eats a lot. Rox, can you ease off my liver?”“No. You should’ve thought of your liver before you stole Kirby.”(Or, what happens when you introduce the Kingsman to Super Smash Bros)





	Wow! Incredible!

At some point in his lifetime, Merlin hoped, there would be one normal day in this godforsaken place known as Kingsman HQ.

But, judging from the screaming coming from Lancelot’s office, today was not that day.

He paused for a moment outside the door, hand still frozen over his tablet, and listened- he could have sworn he had just heard a shout that sounded very Eggsy-ish coming from the inside- and then-  
  
“Traitor!” Roxy shouted. “Fucking monster! I trusted you! You fucking traitor!”

There was a moment where all that could be heard was scuffling, and repeated hits. And then:

“Ow, quit it! Quit it!” There was Eggsy.

“YOU TOLD ME I COULD BE KIRBY,” Roxy yelled back.

“Yeah, well, I take it back! I’m Kirby! Owww- GET OFF ME, YOU MAD BITCH-”

“Could you two possibly,” Merlin said crossly, sticking his head into Roxy’s office at last. “By some miracle, stop shouting at the top of your lungs?”

“Not until he gives me Kirby back!” Roxy said from where she sat firmly pinning Eggsy to the floor, his face unceremoniously planted in the carpeting. “The fucking prick.”

“Gives you what back?” Merlin said, dreading the answer.

“Kirby,” Eggsy said, slightly muffled from the floor. “Pink. Round. Eats a lot. Rox, can you ease off my liver?”

“No. You should’ve thought of your liver before you stole Kirby.”

“What do you need Kirby for?” Merin asked, because this was clearly going nowhere fast.  
  
“We were going to play a round of Smash before lunch,” Roxy said.

“Of what?”

“Super Smash Bros!” Eggsy chimed in, and then managed a neat flip onto his back that tossed Roxy off of him. “Oof, there we go.”

“You’ve never played Smash, Merlin?” Roxy said, settling back onto the carpet. “I thought you would’ve been all over it.”

“Can’t say I have.” Merlin peered at the TV. “What is it, some sort of melee game?”

“Exactly. With Nintendo characters beating the shite out of each other.” Eggsy reached for a controller. “Here, play me in a round!”

“What? No.”

“Awh.”

“Why not?” Roxy said, picking up the other controller. “It’s easy. Come on!”

Merlin sighed, checked his watch. He had a few minutes to spare. And besides, he did love a good challenge.

“I’ll just play one round.”

Eggsy and Roxy whooped. Merlin picked up the controller.

“Let’s go.”

•

“That was...” Roxy said about twenty minutes later. “Absolutely insane.”

Merlin had, in under three minutes flat each round, won thirteen games in a row.

“Fucking mental,” Eggsy agreed, staring at Merlin with something between outrage and admiration. “You swear you’ve never played before?”

“Never.”

“Beginner’s luck excuse wore off about ten wins ago,” Roxy mused. “He’s like some bloody prodigy.” Merlin bit back a particularly smug grin. He loved a challenge, and if given one he did the only thing he knew how to do: solve it. Super Smashing Brothers or whatever this game was called was easy compared to what usually got thrown at him in the lab.

“There’s only one way to test this,” Eggsy said solemnly, and headed for the door.

“Where’re you off to?” Merlin asked. Eggsy paused before he was completely gone, head just barely peering around the door.

“Finding someone else to put you up against!” He was gone and down the hallway, but Merlin could still make out quite clearly his next words. “Fucking spectacular!”

Merlin grinned outright at that, and stretched out his fingers. Bring it on.

•

By lunchtime, it had become apparent to Merlin that he may actually have a knack for this game. He had soundly thrashed most of the Kingsmen- during which he was relieved to find out that tussling like pups on the carpet over each KO was not typical, and seemed to be a quirk of Roxy and Eggsy and the zeitgeist that was the two of them combined- at least six of his tech department colleagues, and even one of the doctors from medical, who had walked by and happened to be sucked in.

All had challenged Merlin, and all had been soundly thrashed.

Most of the challengers were still lolling about in Roxy’s office, sitting on her desk or the floor or crammed on the tiny loveseat she had managed to shove in. It was a small office, no doubt- offices in converted pre-war London architecture are never spacious- but even still, it felt much smaller with the sheer amount of people in it.

Not all had stayed: Percival had thrown a bit of a fit at losing and had to go take a walk, and Amelia had gone for a snack, “popcorn, maybe, because this is turning into quite the show,” but guessing roughly, Merlin could say easily seventy-five percent of the Kingsman staff on-premise at the moment could be found in here.

And then, the inevitable happened.

There was a knock on the already ajar door, and everyone went quiet at the sound, like they expected it. A pause, so quiet everyone seemed to hold their breath, and then:

“Hello,” said Harry, AKA Arthur, AKA the boss of every last person goofing off in the room, poking his head around the door. “What’s all this?”

Merlin could have sworn he heard the room collectively gulp.

“Oh, hey, Harry,” Eggsy said at last, and everyone breathed a bit easier, because if there was one person in the world who could charm Harry Hart out of giving them all a lecture, it was Eggsy. “We’re, ah....we’re training.”

“Training,” Harry repeated. Everyone nodded quickly.

“It’s a- ”Roxy paused, smiled brightly. “It’s a media-based coordination exercise, intended to improve reaction time and accuracy under pressure. Quite cutting edge stuff, actually!”

Sometimes, Merlin thought, even he was a little frightened by Roxy’s ability to lie.

Harry raised an eyebrow, looked at the screen. “Interesting. And you’ve all had a go already?”

“Oh yeah,” Eggsy chimed back in. “We’ve been- training all afternoon. Merlin has been the best at it so far.”

“Ah, Merlin!” Harry seemed to notice him, hidden on the couch, for the first time. “Well, let me try, then.”

“What?” Roxy and Eggsy said at the same time.  
  
“Let me try,” Harry repeated. “I’m sure I’m at least half as good as Merlin, we’ve certainly both been active long enough. Here, move over a bit, Gawain, give me your remote.”

The whole room gaped as Harry settled in for a round of Super Smash Bros with Merlin, the former asking a hundred questions about the buttons, the characters, the latter answering in a calm tone.

“Right!” Harry said as they made their final selections. “Let’s give Smashy Super Brothers a go.”

•

Later in the afternoon, all was quiet. Lunch had been forgotten. So had tea. The entire staff had gone back to their offices in a sort of dazed stupor, blinking and muttering, trying to understand what they had seen. Eggsy and Roxy were still slumped on the loveseat, comparing stories in hushed tones, holding the controllers like they weren’t quite sure what they were capable of.

Merlin was back in his own office, supposedly tinkering with a new prototype for their glasses, but really just pushing bits of metal dejectedly around his desk. He had done so well, got so far, but in the end, he still was barely a match for the maelstrom that was Harry Hart as Kirby. He frowned at a tiny screw and jabbed it with some tweezers. Challenges be damned, He just liked to win.

•

 

In his own office, Harry finished up one of his report summaries he had been meaning to get around to, and leaned back in his chair. He smiled suddenly, in spite of himself, remembering the game from earlier, the way they had all tried to coach him through his first game, the way they had all gone silent as he clobbered Merlin five games in a row.

“Media-based coordination exercise,” really. As if he didn’t know what Super Smash Bros was, and hadn’t played it for hours on end. It was fun, and engaging, and helped with hand-eye coordination.

And, if he might say so himself, he was pretty damn good at it, too.

Not that’d he’d ever tell a soul, especially not at Kingsman. Couldn’t let things get too quiet around here.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do love writing for these guys! Their world is so fun to play with. Thanks for reading and sorry for any mischarecterization, it’s been a while since I saw these movies. (Also the title is a lot better if you read it in the announcer’s voice)


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